Let me back up the story a bit. You see, I've spent close to two decades chasing a number on a scale thinking that if I attained this 'number', I would be ok. My body would finally be accepted by society. The problem with that is, there never HAS or WILL be a magic number. There has never been a set number, low enough number or acceptable number.
But here's the kicker, I weigh the exact same weight I did ten years ago. For the past 10 years I have chased, obsessed, cried and agonized over...staying exactly the same. I have gained weight and lost weight within that time frame, but have always returned back to square one. I have dieted, changed my lifestyle, killed myself doing gym based exercises I hate, to weigh EXACTLY the same.
For the past 10 years I have woken up every. single. morning. and weighed myself. I get on the scale and cross my fingers that the struggle of yesterday was all worth it. The thing is, it never is. The number staring back at me is never enough, never what I WANT it to be, never worthy.
Here's how I figured out I've been doing it all wrong. I watched this Ted Talk video that will change the way I view health and my weight for the rest of my life. For the past ten years I have lumped the state of my health with the weight on the scale. This is were I've gone wrong.
I have had many conversations with my husband over the years about why it's so hard to lose weight, why we aren't those skinny people, because of course if you are thin, you MUST be healthy. Right? No! I know this logically, but I never applied it to myself. The truth is, I'm not one of those people who can eat whatever they want and stay lean and trim. I'm just not. I'm also not obese. Yes, I would LOVE to weigh less, but I don't right now and I'm not going to chase a number and keep waiting for a number that I could chase the rest of my life. Gosh, I've already wasted so much time.
This is me. This is the ONLY recent photo of my entire body. It is from Christmas morning. I am exactly the same weight today as in this photo. There is a reason I don't have anymore full body photos, because the number on the scale hasn't been good enough.
Like I said, I'm not a thin gal but that's not what this post is about. In this photo is an extremely HEALTHY gal except I never noticed that until now.
These are all the healthy things I do in my life on a daily basis:
-I don't smoke
-I don't drink other than once or twice a year
-I eat clean, organic food 80% of the time
-I don't eat fast food
-I rarely eat after dinner except for a tea or on family movie nights
-I spend 9 hrs a day chasing around and caring for 4-7 children at once, 5 days a week
-I spend the remainder of the evenings and weekends managing our home and raising my own two kidlets with my hubby
-I walk my dog every day
-I get outside every. single. day.
Here's what I did do that was unhealthy:
-I woke up every morning and weighed myself, I never passed the test
-I woke up every day and let myself down
-I thought that my weight was the only way to judge my health
-I spent the last decade on a diet that never amounted to anything
-I spent close to two decades beating myself up
Now, I'm not saying that I make 100% of the best and perfect choices all the time and I am this weight for no apparent reason at all. I can own my responsibility, I just refuse to beat myself up for it anymore. I NEED to consume more water, I NEED to stop placing so much negativity on myself. I NEED to burn the wagon that I never need to fall off of again. If I want to enjoy an ice cream cone on occasion with my kidlets, I don't want to have failed myself in exchange. Nor do I want to throw the towel in when I've made a less healthy choice. I want to continue to be and act in the healthy manner that I have been EXCEPT I am removing the guilt and I'm removing the scale...forever.
So what is this seemingly trivial and unnecessary act of the other night?
I SMASHED MY SCALE INTO MILLIONS OF PIECES!
Seem trivial and unnecessary? Think again, it's liberating!
To all you people out there who live by the scale, go get a hammer and say your good-byes. I promise, you won't be sorry that you did.
This is not an invitation to give up and lead a sedentary life, to consume mass quantities of crap. This is a step in the direction of HEALTH not weight.
Before you go grab your scales, check out this Ted Talk and let it inspire you. Enjoy!