That's when I lost my creativity and desire to blog and I had huge guilt over taking the time to write, does anyone read this stuff anyway? Can I be a small blog and just do my own thing without being professional and tied to my blog all the time? All these things ran through my brain and the overwhelming wave took over, so I stopped. I put my focus on my kidlets and got lost in that. I did nothing for myself. I didn't pick up a book. I didn't knit. I didn't take a time out. I didn't blog. I just got lost in life. Has anyone else done that before? Raise your hand! Well, I did. Don't get me wrong, I loved being lost in my family. If you have to be lost, there really isn't any better place to do so. I really soaked them in, every minute I could, but then I realized, I can be enthralled in my family and not get lost from myself. What a concept right? So I made the decision to take some time for me and after getting over the initial guilt and idea that I NEED to give all my time to my family, it got easier with every step.
So what did I do to take time for myself? I started small, really small. I started going to my Chiropractor by myself. Seems silly huh? I always had my kids in tow, one or both. It seemed a strange concept to go somewhere by myself but I came to enjoy those few minutes alone in the car. Tiny little steps to just get some time where the sound around me was quiet and I didn't need to be responsible for anyone.
After a few of those trips that worked out well and were a little liberating, I made bigger steps. I started taking what I like to call "Mommy Time-Outs". That's exactly what they are, I take a time-out from "Mommying" and "Wifeing" and I do whatever I want for an hour or so. I've taken a bath and read a book, I've gone down to the river to read a book, I've gone to Timmies to drink a HOT cup of coffee in a quiet car and just people watch. I've gone out with friends. I've gone for a drive to the beach just to see the sunset. It doesn't really matter what I do, the most important thing is I'm doing it, and I'm doing it guilt free, most of the time.
I never thought I would or could honestly. I also never thought some time alone in quiet was worth very much but I was very wrong. I get to be with myself again and get to know me all over again. I'm still learning. I still struggle to return to my old ways and tell myself I don't NEED the time. I just try to keep reminding myself that it's ok, my family is perfectly fine without me for an hour or so a week and I WILL be better for finding myself over getting lost in life again.
I even got a tattoo to remind myself to keep moving in the right direction, one of my favorite Emily Dickenson quotes, "Out with lanterns, looking for myself.".
So, here I am spilling this all out to the universe and trying to ignite the creative juices and start blogging again, in my little own way, even though small, maybe she might be mighty? I did a little facelift to the ol' blog and I've got one post under my belt. Here's to more where that came from!
Now it's your turn, throw the mommy guilt away and declare you are taking a Mommy Time-Out! Enjoy!!